Clarity
by Hikari no Sadame
Summary: And so he was left before her doorsteps, cursing the rain for damping the marble floors of the apartments, never realizing that he was indoors [...] now he found himself facing her in an attempt to once again attain his clarity.


_**A/N: italics are flashbacks~ I'm having a flashback and extensive, borderline abusive use of dashes phase.**_

* * *

_**'Cause you are the piece of me I wish I didn't need**_

He didn't deserve her.

That much he knew.

She was a saint, a goddess. She epitomized the beauty and grace of the world, and gave him the warmth and acceptance no one else could provide him with.

She was his light.

His world.

But that was why he couldn't have her.

"_Jellal, please. Don't do this."_

"_I'm sorry", was all he could manage._

Their fates had been entwined the moment he named her- the instant he embedded a part of his existence into hers.

"_Scarlet! Just like the color of your hair. That way, I'll never forget."_

He doubts he would be able to forget her regardless. It wasn't just the scarlet hue, but her whole entity. Their paths continued to cross, continued to clash. He couldn't escape her.

He couldn't escape Erza.

_Three times. Three times he had reappeared at the steps of her residence. He shouldn't be with her, but he couldn't be without her._

"_Get your shit together!", he yelled at himself and promptly turned away. _

_He wasn't going to do this, not after a week of suffering and wavering vacillating between his options. He was a grown man, for god's sake. He needed to stick to his decisions. This was the least he could sacrifice for all she had done for him. It didn't matter what he wanted and it didn't matter what she wanted. All that mattered was that he vanishes from her life and never appears before her again. Or at least, that was the plan._

He was a criminal, a tarnished soul. He epitomized mistake and failure, and had ruined her past. Yet for some reason, he wanted to be by her side in the present, and remain there in her future.

He couldn't live without her because he needed her.

She was forever etched into his mind, a constant image he often wandered toward, since the day he allowed her to escape the tower.

Now why was it that she could escape him, but not he from her?

* * *

_**Chasing relentlessly, still fight and I don't know why**_

He really didn't know why.

When he had already decided to erase her from his memories, why did he secretly want to return to her?

_For the fifth time this month the mahogany tinted door faced him yet again. Why hadn't he given up yet? Why was he so goddamn weak!_

_With an indecisive knock on the wood, his gaze was met with those beautiful chocolate brown eyes that seemed to forever melt into his._

"_I.."_

_A melancholic smile graced her lips and this time, it was her turn._

"_I'm sorry, Jellal."_

_And so he was left at the front steps of her dorm. He cursed the rain for damping the marble floors of the apartment houses, never realizing that he was indoors._

His dreams, ephemeral and forever evading his grasp, could never be obtained.

That much he knew.

Yet, why again, was he letting her invade his thoughts, engulfing his mind and all sense of logic along with it?

Instead of surrendering like his conscience dictated, why was he inherently drawn to her?

He knew that this was a battle he couldn't win- a fight he didn't even deserve to be in. But he still fought. He still wanted to see her, still wanted to hold her.

* * *

_**If our love is tragedy, why are you my remedy?**_

They weren't meant for each other.

She deserved better, deserved an actual man that could protect her rather than break her.

She deserved someone who didn't cause hints of pain and hurt to flash through her eyes whenever she saw his face.

But the simple thought of her getting together with another guy made him infuriated to no avail.

He knew she deserved better, but he still wanted her.

He knew he had hurt her, but he wanted her forgiveness.

He knew he didn't deserve her forgiveness, but he already had it.

Because she was his drug, the only thing keeping him alive.

She put the color in his world, the life in his existence.

* * *

_**If our love's insanity, why are you my clarity?**_

She was his dose of sanity- the reason behind his actions, the voice guiding him in the back of his head.

When he closed his eyes, all he saw was her. Unlike the dull and blurred settings surrounding him, she was clear. She was perfect.

_And now he found himself at her doorsteps in an attempt to once again attain his clarity._

* * *

_**A/N: idk why don't ask lol. Was listening to Clarity (Zedd) and BAM! EPIPHANY time to write Jerza. I really don't know what to call this other than crappy drabble slash songfic not really. But review?**_


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